Thursday, 24 December 2009
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I hate that I'm so self-conscious about myself in all aspects. Why can't I just accept myself the way that I am...?
Sunday, 13 December 2009
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You disappointed me today, which is shocking (I'm not being sarcastic). One little thing like that goes a long way especially since we never get the chance to hang out. It hurt. Although no words were spoken, I understood the reasoning, which made it hurt. I'll get over it quickly but I just had to say it.
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Ugh. I just want to cry. I think it's the hormones. I have no reason to effin' cry yet I still want to. And everything seems to be bugging me. a;lskdjfadlfj ahh. -
When it comes to love and/or affection, I am a totally lost. I tend to over-analyze everything so I never know what really goes on. Needless to say, I'm in a predicament. I have feelings for you but I know I shouldn't. We ended for a good reason yet I can't seem to shake the feeling every time I see you. And then there's him. He and I are said to be cute together and there's chemistry. Yet I don't know if I should proceed because of certain circumstances. Plus, I'm tired of being the one who makes the first move because according to my calculations, that always goes badly. I am a hopeless romantic and always dream of someone sweeping me off my feet. I have never fallen head-over-heels for someone and quite frankly, I would love for that to happen. I get especially jealous of these perfect couples that I see and it sucks when it's not you. Well, whatever God has planned for me with respect to love, I must respect and have faith.
To reiterate the last post, God answers prayers. Things are looking up. So, I got an interview offer from Houston, which will be in January! (That's my first choice school).
Here are the stats so far:
Interviews: Baylor, Oklahoma, Houston
Acceptances: Oklahoma
I hope that list of acceptances includes Houston before my OK deadline!
Anyway, finals Monday and Tuesday then I'm done!
Time to get some rest this time!
I love and miss everyone! See you guys soon!! :)
Tuesday, 01 December 2009
Saturday, 28 November 2009
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I know that people are trying to help make me feel better and I feel loved. Thank you (especially to you Cathy). But, I just can't seem to shake this feeling. Honestly, I have never felt as lonely as I do now, not even when I went through my heartbreaks. I have my family and friends around me but for some reason, I just can't be happy...not at school or at work. Being at home is making me feel better but I still feel alone. I was supposed to go out yesterday but I couldn't get myself out of my house. Same for tonight...I'm sorry Nhi and everyone. I want to hang out and see everyone again but I can't handle being around people right now. I feel out-of-place, no matter where I am or who I'm with. I think I'm depressed. And I found out this weekend that my mom is also taking medication for depression ( I guess starting earlier this week...). I am not taking advantage of God's blessings. I acknowledge them. But there's something missing. (Not faith or love in God). Just something that I can't put my finger on. I don't know. I just want to be happy. I want to be myself. I feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Sigh.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
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This isn't how things were supposed to work out. I am a failure. I feel hopeless. I feel like giving up. What's the point when I just end up failing at life anyway...?
All I could do today was cry, which was much needed. I feel completely overwhelmed. Can I just drop out of college and become a couch potato? At least I could be with my family and at least feel something other than loneliness, frustration, inadequacy, etc.
Nothing seems to make me happy. My demeanor has changed and it's ugly.
I don't know what's wrong with me, seriously.
2009 just hasn't been my year. Well, come to think of it, neither was 2006, 2007, nor 2008.
False happiness. That's what this has all been and no one really knows.
I'm sorry if I end up disappointing everyone when this semester comes to an end. I would change it if I could but it seems like failure is inevitable. My dreams and aspirations just seem to be more and more distant. All these years of working my ass off and this is where I end up. Go figure.
Just pray for me for God to give me strength, to inspire me, to give me motivation, to accomplish my goals, and to find who I am supposed to be as his child. I am lost. I am confused. I need something.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Saturday, 21 November 2009
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I smile when I see him and talk to him. I am disappointed when I don't see him...
Ugh. Why the "ugh?" Well...I don't want to feel that way. We don't have much in common. He only goes to school in Dallas...he's definitely not from Texas. The semester is almost over...the school year is almost over. We're both going to graduate soon so there's no point in starting anything. Oh, did I mention that I had a big crush on him for a while last year...? LOL Now that there's a possibility of something happening, it's a bit disappointing in regards to the timing.
I don't know. I just enjoy talking to him. (Every time we walk together, even if it takes 5 mins to get there, we end up talking for 45-60 min!). He just puts a smile on my face. Maybe that's all God wants with this friendship--to have someone make me smile and laugh, amongst all the stress that I have in my life. If anything, he's a good influence. He's a nice, smart, and well-mannered guy. Who knows...? It might just be all in my head. What's new?
Bleh. Anyway, I had my Bio Comp presentation today. Hopefully I pass. I find out on Monday, I think. If I do, then all I have left to worry about is Biochem this semester. Then next semester, I have no worries. So once I pass Biochem, I can safely say that I will graduate in MAY 2010. WHOO! :)
Okay, I've had no sleep this week and I have work tomorrow morning. Time to sleep. Goodnight.
Friday, 13 November 2009
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I need to buckle down on my studies. Comps next Friday and I have yet to make my presentation. Since I have the day off on Saturday (sort of), I'll be able to do most of it, hopefully. Only one month left and I have much to do. I will be so relieved when I get relinquish my presidency with APO. It's been a good run but I need to be stress-free next semester, since it's my last semester!
Update on dental schools:
Next month is when most schools will tell me whether or not I have been accepted or rejected. I have only had two interviews but maybe that's all that it takes? My cousin got one interview at SA and got accepted so maybe I'll be like her? I emailed all the schools (that didn't have me an interview) and asked them about my application. Most of them said its still under review. USC said they will start interviewing after the holidays, which is weird. They are super delayed with their interviews. Anyway, I'm praying for the best. Whatever God presents to me, I know it's for a reason.
Alright, time to sleep.
Goodnight.
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lookiitsvickie
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- Name: Vickie
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 11/14/2007
